Another night.. I am sitting here watching my Dexcom Share app. She is barely low. Do I wake her? Do I ride this out and see what happens? When do I call her and tell her she is low and needs a juice box. I thought I was beyond buying juice boxes for her, but I am not.

I hate Dexcom! I love Dexcom! Let’s be honest, I HATE diabetes! It is a horrid, horrid disease that no one should have to deal with, ever.

Her diabetes is autoimmune. The docs believe a virus attacked her pancreas. We never received a real cause. The docs really didn’t know. Diabetes, rude and obnoxious, forced its’ way into our lives. It appears it will be here for a long time. I intend to show it the curb.

I thought I knew about diabetes prior to my child being attacked by this hideous monster. I knew nothing. I learned the hard way, at my child’s expense.

Oh, she is no longer low. Glad I didn’t bug her, this time. But how long will this last? All night – I can hope. Five minutes until the next update? Will that dang alarm wake me up in thirty minutes and keep me up for a while?

I hate diabetes!

No wonder parents of diabetics drink a lot of coffee. Ok, diabetics drink coffee too, even when it spikes their blood glucose levels. We need our crutches after poor sleep the night before. (And let’s be honest, we like the taste too.)

So far her dip low seems to be a fleeting thing, this night. Please dear God. Please God let all our children have stable blood glucose levels, always.

Will her low be a fleeting thing? Anyone who is a diabetic, or loves a diabetic, knows things can change in a blink of an eye, for no reason. We can do everything right and still go low or high for no reason.

And that is one of the things that makes diabetes so hard to deal with. What worked today may not work tomorrow. We were told by her first endo, “Don’t try to figure out all the reasons why things do/don’t work.” Diabetes is an ever-changing beast.

Diabetes should crawl into a hole and die.

She is hanging in there. Blood glucose just above her low. Hope it stays in the good zone tonight. Crud, just dropped a bit….  I want to sleep. I’m afraid to sleep. If I call and she drinks a small juice box how far will she spike high? Then I have to decide do I call and wake her to let her know she is high? At what point is she so high she needs to take extra insulin?

I must consider if I call will she be aware she is talking to me? Will she remember the call tomorrow? We have spoken and the next day she doesn’t recall it. A friend called her one night and she said she was drinking a juice box. NOT! And then she went back to sleep. She didn’t even get the straw into the juice box.

I hate the sleep stealing disease known as diabetes!

She had dipped low again. I will keep watching. Even though I want to sleep I will stay up and watch. As I told her, more than once, it’s part of my job.

On the radio they just said it is bad to sleep with your phone. They don’t love a diabetic. I don’t want to sleep with my phone, I have to. It keeps me informed on her blood glucose levels. When I sleep the dang phone is on the bed within arm’s reach, always.

I HATE diabetes!

So far so good. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for a good night but I know I shouldn’t expect one. I actually think this is going to be a rough night. I expect the alarm to go off, more than once, telling me she is low. In spite of that I am grateful she wears a Dexcom, a continuous glucose monitor. We fought getting one. But what a gift! Sure it isn’t perfect but it beats nothing. And losing sleep is a small price to pay to keep her alive. Dexcom allows us to treat the highs and lows we might have missed without the Dexcom. Let’s be honest, Dexcom has saved lives.

It’s late, and my Mac’s battery is running low, as is mine. She is just barely above low… I am going to chance it. I am going to bed. Keeping my fingers crossed that her blood glucose stays in a good range tonight and all get a good night’s sleep. I wish that for parents of diabetics and all diabetics. Always. More importantly I hope a cure is found, soon.

Dang! She just dipped low again.

I hate diabetes…